Start to feel very old, because American Pie celebrates its 15th anniversary this week. The '90s comedy classic was an instant box office hit and helped launch the careers of its leading cast.
Sequels followed, but none of them quite managed to recapture the magic of that glorious first time. There was always something vaguely comforting about American Pie - no matter how bad we had it in school, it was never quite as bad as the experiences of Jim, Oz, Finch and the gang.
To mark American Pie's birthday, Digital Spy has collected 15 of our favourite quotes from the 1999 movie below.
Jim (Jason Biggs)
1. "You realise we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us."
2. "Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?"
3. "I would like to make an announcement - there is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed."
4. "She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!"
Stifler (Seann William Scott)
5. "Jim, get some f**king balls. If you can't bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?"
6. "I say, why don't you guys locate your d*cks, remove the shrink wrap, and f**king use them!"
Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy)
7. "I have to admit, I did the fair bit of... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud.
"I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake five, six times a day."
8. "It's like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun.
"It can be fun, but it's not a game… what you want is a partner to return the ball."
9. "We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all."
Michelle (Alyson Hannigan)
10. "This one time, at band camp…"
11. "What's my name? Say my name, bitch!"
Sherminator (Chris Owen)
12. "I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady."
Oz (Chris Klein)
13. "Suck me, beautiful."
Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas)
14. "No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!"
Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas)
15. "God bless the internet."
Movies Editor
Simon has worked as a journalist for more than a decade, writing on staff and freelance for Hearst, Dennis, Future and Autovia titles before joining Cision in 2022.
